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Death Before "Retirement"?

Since I've had this job with LA County I've been putting into retirement; same with my husband. We've decided to cash it in for our relocation to Colorado. It's been cracking me up to see the look of terror that comes across people's faces when I bring it up for discussion. Some people have told me that it should be used only in case of an emergency and relocation doesn't constitute and emergency. What if we factor in the fact that I've never been this stressed out, depressed, uncomfortable and unhealthy in my life. What if we factor in that although my resume looks amazing with Human Resource experience I dislike processing paperwork that hurts other people, is fraudulent, and being treated like I'm nothing every time I punch the clock. I grind my teeth, I have migraines  I need glasses from the 8 hours I spend on the computer. At what point does the security of money stop outweighing the essential elements of being alive? If this move is going to remove stress, teeth grinding, migraines, and this gut wrenching feeling and nausea I feel every time I'm forced to lie to a co-worker because of some underhanded thing upper management is doing, it's an emergency to me. If this move is going to be a part of the reason I get healthy and am able to conceive a child, it's an emergency. I don't want to be spiraling toward my death and regret that there was something I wanted to do or something I might have been able to do that I didn't do. Call me radical, call me crazy, call me whatever you want but my family, future family, health and happiness are more important to me than JUST money. It's all more important than keeping a retirement and living in California for another year and with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I'm blessed and highly favored to have family that is willing and able to help me the way they always have and continue to, but this is all new to me. New marriage, new family and a new state?! I'm excited! And I know this is more than just something that I want to do; that's the difference between making childish and mature decisions. All I can do is make plans with my husband that we believe is what God wants us to do and either pay the consequences or reap the rewards but I refuse to sit here until I have enough for a house saved up and some, to start this family. It makes me sad, in a sense, to have so many people make it seem like we haven't given anything a second, third or fourth thought. To some extent it makes me realize that all those times I lied, acted on impulse, overlooked deception when it was right under my nose and made immature decisions is all residue left on the vision of me. Maybe the people I've known for a long time are used to the person they watched grow up making bad decisions and/or reaping the rewards of a chosen life. Today I finally had the guts to tell my dad that I had seen my guardian angel when I was a child and because of this I know that I'm chosen and I know that I'm special. I told him that this is the reason I trust my heart when I feel that God is tugging on it. My relationship with HIM is the hardest one to explain in words. And I always think the reason for that is something that humans had to create to try and describe Him. But all the words in the world couldn't describe my Father in Heaven. So I can understand how my dad can't understand how much my trust in God has played a role in this decision. I can understand why faith in God isn't enough for him to simply give me his blessing to leave. I know I don't need his blessing but I would absolutely love to do something life changing and not feel like I'm disappointing my parents. I pray every time I become sad over this, I pray that the Lord help me never to cause my children to feel like this.  Until then, I'm doing what I have to do for my future family and I pray that my future kids can understand and accept this decision because it's really all for them in the end. I won't wait until I'm retired to strive for a better future for them. We are doing it now!


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