adventure, California, Colorado, expression, family issues, Fort Collins, God, God's plan, journal, journalism, life, Life lessons, live, love, missing Colorado, move, NaBloPoMo, new life, plan, relocation, venting -

Desperately Missing Colorado

The feeling when we walked into our apartment in California after being on vacation in Colorado for 7 days was... weird. When I set foot into the apartment it was as if time had stood still and I was stepping into the past again. It almost felt like we moved forward when we were in Colorado and we stepped back in time when we returned to our home in California. The room looked dark and gloomy, despite the kitchen and living room lights we left on while we were on vacation. When I looked down and saw the "bombs" we had to set off for the roach issue in our unit I instantly felt like I couldn't relax, couldn't touch any walls, had to watched what I touched in the kitchen; my head just started spinning and hurting all over again. Was is hate or dislike? Maybe. But what I think it was, exhaustion. Tired of living check to check, tired of paying rent to a management company that won't uphold their end of the contract, tired of sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day and being treated like I have no common sense, tired of seeing flourescent lights all day when I really long for the cool, crisp, Colorado winds to wake up all the crevices of my face. I'm tired of the constant layer of smog, family members butting into your lives when they feel like it and leaving you to scrounge and struggle when your life doesn't benefit them. Tired of letting people have a say-so in our lives when we can't have one in theirs, in some cases we aren't even allowed to see our nephews and family members. I'm EXHAUSTED. All my life, up until this crossroad, I've felt like I've been trying to please people, myself and then God. I realize now that I've had it all backwards. I want to live my life to glorify God, please myself and my husband, then help those that want and need to be helped. Like Bob Marley once said, I want to live my life to help others, if I can't help others and it's just me and my life I don't want life. I'm through feeling like I'm strapped down to this place for no real reason. The past two days I've been in constant prayer. There are so many opportunities that have been opened to us, especially with the new cannabis laws in Colorado, and at this junction I'm real;ly not completely positive where the Lord wants us. So I've been praying and we're starting to put into motion any and everything we need to do before we're financially able to leave California. As I look through the pictures we've taken I can't help but see that pictures do no justice to God's natural beauty. As I tab through those pictures... I can't wait for that 20 hour drive to Colorado... I can't wait to not have to leave.


  • Sandra

    Focus on getting to Colorado and you will. We made it here from England in 1995 and haven’t looked back. You can do it too.

  • mrsmooney27

    We are so focused! Honestly, rethinking our plans on staying out here much longer than we need to. Thank you so much for the inspiring words! Now a days they are very scarce for us!

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published